Friday, April 9, 2010

For what I do is not the good I want to do

I want to go hear an author that is in town to promote her book and give a lecture . . .

. . .I brave the wind of baseball practice instead.


I want to attend a book club of a friend who has offered "girl, books, & wine" time . . .

. . .I attend a basketball game instead.


I want to plan a summer full of fun, camping adventures for our family . . .

. . .I gaze desperately at the quick-filling schedule of art shows and other commitments and hope to squeeze in a few


I want to do one of those "girl's shopping weekends", with money I don't have, with no worry of consequences later . . .

. . .I open the budget spreadsheet and remind myself to "live like no one else now"


I want to spend a weekend full of only lattes, slippers, snuggies, and books . . .

. . .I walk past the heaps of laundry and dishes and know they must be dealt with


I want to exercise everyday at lunch - knowing that when I walk it has so many benefits beyond just the exercise . . .

. . .I watch the 50 m.p.h. wind outside and know another small window of opportunity has passed


I want to read a chapter of a fun, fun book each night to my kids . . .

. . .I look at the clock at 9:30, after school, work, practice, and dinner, and know the time has passed once again


I want to cook fantastic, nutritious, and somehow still really good meals for dinner . . .

. . .I throw another 30-minute casserole in the oven


I want to complete my bible study and spend time in the Word every day . . .

. . .I hit snooze one to many times and have to rush through only a portion


Full days turn into full weeks that turn into full months, and pretty soon, I'm staring down another year of just like before, hoping I've made some memories and an impact along the way.

It won't always be like this.

I know that.

I know that I know that I KNOW that. I cuddled my nephew last weekend and longed again for a time I wished away too quickly.

I know I'll miss this.

I know "It won't be like this for long". (Thanks, Darius)

But, in spite of that, I want more. Or maybe less. Not a fast forward. But, maybe a slow motion.

Some time to write my blog. Or maybe a book. Or not, but know that I could have.

Time in the day to do my job, and do it well, and not feel guilty about taking a break, or a lunch, or even a walk.

Somehow, to not view the windy practice as a burden. To not wish it away. To not MISS it because I'm throwing a fit.

There will be a time, and it will come all too soon, that it's ALL about me. And I will wish it wasn't.

So, how do I do the good that I want to do? And not do the evil that I do not want to do? And still do the mundane that I have to do? And somehow find the good in the mundane?

I need all you Titus Women, who are usually lurkers, to come out of hiding and give this young woman some guidance. Let's hear your wisdom . . .

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