Monday, September 14, 2009

Express Lane Rant

Have ya been to Safeway lately at about 5:15?

Yeah. It's a pretty busy place.

Especially when you have to be at the football game at 5:30, and you forgot your kid's water bottle.

Which is why I will post the following handy Express Lane rules for all of our convenience and reading pleasure.

  1. 15 Items or Less really means 15 items or less. Don't "ish" this one.

  2. All weighables count as 5 items a piece.

  3. For those of you who are math-challenged, that means your limit is 3.

  4. If you have more than 3 weighables, see #1.

  5. The checker is used to quickly ferrying customers through with an energy drink, some gum, and the occasional pepperoni stick. She doesn't have the code memorized for the 7 large items you left in your cart. If you have said items, don't use the express lane.

  6. For those PC supermarkets that say "Approximately 15 items" on their express lane sign - see #1. They are just trying to be nice. They don't really mean for you to go ahead and step in line with your 34 items. And neither do the 14 people behind you, carrying just water and gum.

  7. Does anyone write checks anymore???

  8. If you do, write it before you get to the front. I know, the line is moving fairly quickly (it's the express lane!), and it might be hard to keep up while writing, but everyone behind you will thank you for it later.

  9. No, you can't write your check for $20 over. Do that in the regular lane.

  10. When in doubt, bow out. That really oughta be the cardinal rule. The "Golden Rule" of the Express Lane.

I must admit, at this point in the post, that I have not always followed these rules to a "T". But, I have never known the importance of such rules until now. Until this week. While simply trying to prevent dehydration in my miniature football athlete.

I promise, with Darla as my witness, I will follow them from now on. With the same vengeance that I now make sure I put my cart in to the proper receptacle in the parking lot.



tina said...

love the rules! amen.

Nicole said...

Being a employee at a grocery store I agree 100 percent! People need to learn these rules! I assure you though that my line moves I don't care if it is express or not I get my people in and out. -Biggest problem: not knowing how you are going to pay. Come on! =)

Tracy said...

I about spewed water on my screen when I read #7!!! Man - I totally agree with you - especially on 7-9!