"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:7-13, NIV)
I love it when God uses my children to teach me a lesson. They seem to be lessons that I can relate to, that stick with me for a long time, and that are most likely to lead to a real change in my behavior. If I can see, through the blessing of being a parent, even a smidgen of what He sees as my Father, I will praise Him more and more.
Last night, while I was at a meeting, Colton had a pretty difficult evening. He wanted to pretend to shoot birds with his BB gun. So, Matt let him bring his unloaded BB gun outside while he did some yard work.
Unfortunately, Colton's short fuse and quick temper got the better of him before he even got to fire off one imaginary round. He got angry at his brother for trying to instruct him how to carry the gun safely, and ended up pointing it at Chance.
As you can imagine, there were big repercussions around our house. Including Colton marching his gun to the big garbage can, and climbing the little ladder so he could reach the lid, and putting the Daisy 105 Buck BB Gun into what might as well be a big black hole in space. While crying uncontrollably. Traumatic, to say the least.
Matt told me about it when I got home, but I didn't hear anything about it from Colton.
This morning, as we were driving to town, Chance and Colton got into another altercation. Nothing new here. Pretty much an everyday occurrence around our house - okay, who am I kidding, it's an hourly occurrence at least! So, during said altercation, Chance says - you better knock it off, Colton, or you'll have to throw this away just like your BB Gun.
Silence. Lots and lots of silence.
So, I ask him - did you have to throw away your BB Gun?
I don't want to tell you.
I just don't want to talk about it! (crying now)
All right, buddy.
Do I have to tell you?
No, you don't have to tell me this morning. You can tell me when you're ready.
Insert - I have the rear view mirror set so I can look in the back seat as we have this conversation.
Colton looks at me.
Don't look back here. I'm not telling you anything! I don't want to talk about it!
Okay. (But I'm thinking - don't you realize I already know?? You're not hiding anything - you just have to tell me, and this thing could be over!)
Don't even look at me. Leave me alone! (Now hiding over by the window so I can't see him in the mirror) I don't want anyone to bother me.
Now, in the back of my mind, I have a separate conversation going on with God. Actually, it's not much of a conversation, cause I'm pretty much just the listener. It's going something like this:
You know the Psalm about not hiding from Me? This is how silly you look when you try. I already know it all. I love you anyway. You don't confess your sin for Me, you confess it for your own good. Sometimes you try and drag things out, and hide from Me. I already know. You're not hiding anything. Just get it over with! I love you more than you love Colton. Can you imagine that?
It was so cool. It was hard to be mad at Colton's stubbornness, because God had me smiling at my own the whole time. What a lesson. What a God we serve.
If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. 1 John 1:9