Monday, June 23, 2008


Okay, so I'm headed to the art show this weekend and stop at Safeway to get some Chili Cheese Fritos and a Diet Dr. Pepper. The first paradox of the day - somehow the dietness of the Diet Dr. Pepper wards off any extra fat calories from the Chili Cheese Fritos.

As I'm in line at the checkout, my eye is predictably drawn to the magazines which line the check-out stall. Low and behold, the Prevention magazine of the month is about Flat Belly Foods! And, underneath this headline is a HUGE picture of chocolate. Paradox #2 - Chocolate is a Flat Belly Food!?????

I grab the issue of Prevention, immediately interested in any Flat Belly Diet boasting chocolate as an option.

Then I feel guilty.

Surely Chili Cheese Fritos are not on the Flat Belly Food! list. What do I do? Can I buy the magazine and still buy the Fritos? Will the check out lady think I'm psycho or just bi-polar? Maybe she'll somehow know I'm going to start this Flat Belly! quest on Monday - because all good diets start on Monday, right?

Then I realize that I have an inordinate amount of time to ponder this decision. Wow, the person in front of me is taking a long time. What is taking so long?

Oh, I see. It's because she's trying to figure out which groceries to PUT BACK because she doesn't have enough money for her cigarettes.


Good thing mine's not as bad as hers. I look like an angel now! I'm set - I'm buying all three - the Diet Dr. Pepper, the Chili Cheese Fritos, and the Prevention Flat Belly Foods! magazine. I've got to read up before I start on Monday . . .

PS - If you were wondering - it was the bacon, lunch meat, John Morrell sausages, and cases of Coke that met their demise in favor of two packs of Ultra Light 100's.

PPS - You know I'm kidding, right? I totally know the food paradox is just as bad as the cigarette paradox - we're both psycho in the end. Thankfully neither is as bad as the alcohol paradox . . .

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