Thursday, January 17, 2008

I Miss My Guys

You know, I used to aspire to be this important business gal - I'd run some company, jet to-and-fro, be very powerful, and very wealthy. The Lord sees the plans of men, and he laughs - oh yes, he has had many opportunities to laugh at me.

I've been at meetings in Portland all week. I've looked forward to the meetings for awhile now. I love this city, 3 nights of uninterrupted sleep, time with friends, and reacquainting with business associates only seen a couple times a year - it all sounded about right. Until it was time to go.

Colton was just getting over illness, and Chance was just starting. Matt is in the middle of his busiest week of the year (unplanned), and nothing seems to be fitting into place the way it's supposed to when I'm out of town.

The backpacks were ready, the clothes laid out, the lists made, but I still had a nagging feeling about leaving my family. It sucks. How do people do this all the time? Today, I can't even imagine it - and I have to leave again in 10 days!!!!

I haven't talked with Chance in two nights. They are either not home yet or not settled in when I'm on an evening break - then I head to a dinner event - and by the time I get done, he's in bed. Colt was still up tonight, so I got to talk to him a bit. And, I'm going home tomorrow, so there's the bright light.

I have such guilt that I'm not taking care of my family - I feel like that's the job I'm best at. On a good day, I don't feel like I give that job enough of my time - on a day like today, I feel like a total failure. God laughs at the plans of men . . . .

I may not be cut out to be a cut-throat businesswoman, but God made me to be a fabulous wife and an excellent mother - I can't wait to get back to that tomorrow. See you soon, guys - I love you!


Neighbor Jane Payne said...

You described it so well, Heather. There really is no important work than being a mother/nurturer.

Darla said...

My Dear co-worker & friend Heather.
Do not ever doubt what type of mother, wife or co-worker you are... I'm here to vouch you are the best!!! You and Matt had a rough week but it's not always like that. You may take time off from work but you give 110% when you are there... You may take time away from your family but when you are there you give 110%.... And I know Matt knows you give 110%... Don't beat yourself up... You are awesome!!! ( I want to be just like you when I grow up *lol*)